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Refuse the poison of perfectionism in your relationships

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We all know that fairy tales in real life may not look like fairy tales as presented by Mr Disney.

Prince Charming may have a crooked nose, and your princess may have pigeon toes.

What am I going on about? Being so fussy that you miss genuine relationship opportunities.

I talked above about being too desperate, but it can work the other way. Expecting people to be perfect, then getting mad when their behaviour doesn’t exactly accord with your imagination of how they should be is, frankly, nuts.

If people don’t ‘live up to’ your self-made image of them, is that their fault? If you have too-tight parameters for how your love should be before you meet him or her, then you may be positioning yourself out of the market. Sure, there are things we all prefer, but some people are so specific:

  • “He must have green eyes (and two of them!).”
  • “He must wear designer jackets.”
  • “He must have a body of a Greek god, the mind of Albert Schweitzer, and the car of a London financier.”
  • “He must have a dollar-shaped beauty spot on his left buttock.”

I kid you not; some people (usually younger people) cut off their own options to this extent.

They may defend this with: “Why should I accept anything less?!” But this misses the point that, so often, something can seem to have all the right ‘parts’, but when those parts are put together, you find they don’t really work as well as expected.

What to do: Open your mind to the possibility that you could be mistaken in assuming you can only have a relationship with a person who fits exactly what you have imagined. And remember that you are having a relationship with a real-life person, not a phantasm of your own making.

And if you’re looking for help with this, I’ve got a download on overcoming perfectionism, and one on how to love your imperfect partner on this site.

Do you think you're driving your partner away but can't seem to stop?

Click here to start feeling more secure in your relationships now with my free email tips.

To your relationship bliss,

Mark

Published by mark.tyrrell September 21st, 2016 in