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Commitment is a bit of an illusion. Here’s why...

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You may have noticed  that fear of commitment is so often just a dread of cutting off other options - and thereby feeling trapped.

But the funny thing is that, of course, now is all we ever have. Sure, decisions in the present affect the future, but we never really have to say ‘forever’ about anything, because we don’t actually know what will happen in the future.

When I treat a smoker to help them quit, I like to take pressure off by reminding them that they don’t need to “be sure they’ll never smoke again”. Why? Because that’s too much pressure.

All they need know is that right now it’s not what they do. I don’t need to say to myself: “I will definitely never smoke!” I doubt I will, but I don’t need to think about not smoking far out into the future - right now, it’s not what I do.

It’s the same with anything. We never have to say ‘forever’ because life is a series of present moments. Really think about this; maybe what works now won’t work in ten years, but maybe it will. The fact is, all of life is an exploration and wanting absolute certainty all of the time about everything is for narrow thinkers.

Trying not to make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all, and here I’m reminded of the words of the Joni Mitchell song:

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone…”

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To your relationship bliss,

Mark

Published by mark.tyrrell November 6th, 2016 in