I am a cold rude bully!

I am a cold, rude bully and impossible to deal with when I am angry, I want to argue with people to express my anger. I am dead sad when I am depressed. These two extreme emotions driving me crazy, I feel helpless...

I feel insecure, scared in life, I want to find someone who can talk to me and understand me, but it seems I am not lucky enough. Every little things can lead to anger or depression, I almost forget what happiness is in life.

This question was submitted by 'Yvette'

Mark says...

The fact that you can recognize what you can be like rather than justifying it or blaming others shows that a part of you, a more 'real' part of you, is not the anger or coldness or bullying. The 'you' that can see it is the 'you' that can be developed and shine more often.

It sounds like the thing that you really lack is a sense of control in life. You say every little thing sends you sideways, that you can become depressed or angry at the slightest thing. You also say that you haven't yet found someone to share your feelings with and it may be that your cold and angry exterior has been too scary for others, causing them to avoid attempting to get close to you. So once you find more balance, overcome anger to the extent that it doesn't bother you and others nearly so often. Now I wonder what makes you so cold and angry?

What drives you to bully? We all have needs in life, needs for a sense of control, safety, social connection, meaning, intimacy, achievement and status and so forth. When our lives fail to deliver us what we need, for whatever reason, then we suffer and anger or depression or both can be a result of that. Take a long hard look at your life and see what changes you can make it order to enable you to meet more of your basic needs. You could also help yourself by listening to the following downloads: Meet your Human Needs, Be More Centered, Control Your Anger and also I'm Okay, You're Okay to help you relate better to others.

Anger can be a strangely addictive state. It is a 'towards' emotions that, like hunger or lust or addiction, has us seeking action and for some it can feel like a temporary relief from 'away from' emotions that have us shrinking from life, like depression and anxiety.

But chronic anger is bad for your body and mind and terrible for relationships. There are other ways to meet our needs in life than trying to force others to give us what we want. Use the downloads, see how you progress and I'd love to hear how things go for you.