How would Mark handle the catch-22 of positive vs. negative distorted thought?

Mark,

I witnessed a discussion that got me thinking, "How would Mark handle this?"

A man was speaking of his therapeutic experiences and had always wondered, but never asked any of his therapists, about a perceived catch-22 in the positive thinking vs. negative thinking approaches to self-confidence or, more generally, 'feeling better'. His argument was that every therapist he has ever dealt with has advocated the 'fake it 'til you make it' philosophy of positive thinking in building self-confidence or dealing with depression, but that if he applies the same philosophy to thinking negatively, they call it a cognitive distortion (emotional reasoning). Basically, he can't wrap his head around the idea that therapists view emotional reasoning as a fallacy, but use that same fallacy to encourage positive thought.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

This question was submitted by 'Tom'

Mark says...

Hello Tom and thanks for this (I think ; ) ).

Well, you could tell him about the boy who couldn't understand how he could both blow on his soup to cool it down and blow on his hands to warm them up in winter. How can blowing both warm and cool something?

The fact that he hasn't managed to answer this question for himself shows that he may still be held captive to the inflexible thinking that is such a feature of negative thinking. It's true that faking confidence, for example, can make people feel happier (and other people feel better about them).

The biases of negative distortions, negative globalizing, and so on - accentuating the negative, eliminating the positive - use people and tend not to be consciously chosen responses, but are instead automatically produced through conditioning. On the other hand, 'faking it 'til you make it' does tend to be something that you use as a tool, not something that uses you (the way negative distortions do). It also tends to be something that is adopted as a conscious choice. So, there are differences and just saying something seems to be the same when it is not doesn't change the reality.

Faking it isn't the same as lying to yourself, as we know that self-esteem boosting affirmations tend to make people with pre-existing low self-esteem feel worse and only improve the mood of people with pre-existing good self-esteem. To fake it until you make it, you need to know that you are faking it, but also be clear about why you are faking it. (See also: 'Selected Self-Confidence Building Activities'.)

Faking it until you make it is predicated on self-understanding, whereas cognitive distortions are produced from a lack of perception of fuller perspectives. Like the child who wonders how blowing can possibly both heat and cool, we need to be less black-or-white in order to think effectively.

I hope that makes sense.

All my best to you and this man,

Mark