My negativity ruined my relationship I don't want it to ruin my life!

Mark this is my problem, my girlfriend has just broken up with me and it's the same old thing. You're too negative she told me. I have heard that a lot in my life and I know it's true. My dad was very negative and I have inherited it from him.

I do want to be happier. I don't want to always think bad thoughts but I do. Whenever something good happens to me I just wait for it to go bad again. When I met my girlfriend a year ago I was really happy but knew in the back of my mind something would go wrong and I was right. Now she has left me even though she says she loves me, it's just because I make her feel down too.

I work as an illustrator and in my own time I have made a comic series. Some of my friends say it is really good and I should find a publisher but I think a publisher will just laugh at me. And I haven't finished it even though I started on it ages ago. That is because of my negativity, I work on it for a bit and then I just think this is a big waste of time and then stop.

I want to be less negative so I can get my girlfriend back and enjoy doing things. What can a negative-type do to change?

Mike

This question was submitted by 'Mike'

Mark says...

Hello Mike and thanks for writing in.

You may well have 'inherited negativity' from your father but the positive thing is that this would have been passed on not through genes (there is no 'negativity gene') but through learning through exposure to your father and how he responded in response to adversity or even good events. I say this is positive because what has been learned can be unlearned.

Your task - should you choose to accept it : ) is to overcome your past conditioning to the extent that you can being to be realistically positive. Of course people prone to negative interpretations and predictions tend to believe they are being realistic and when things turn out badly they may use that as evidence that things are as bad as they said or thought they were without realising the negativity itself had a role to play in the 'failure.' People using a negative bias will see neutral or even potentially useful situations as negative and consequently they tend not to be too inspiring or enjoyable to be around and relationships suffer. Negativity can spread from person to person unless we become 'inoculated' through the knowledge of how to modify it. This can be done partly by looking at the thinking styless assocaited with habitual negativity (read my article How to Stop Negative Thinking in 7 Simple Steps) but more importantly chagning the way we feel so that more moderate and optimsitic thinking can start to feel natural, not forced or 'fake'. For this I recommend the 10 Steps to Banish Negative Thinking program which helps retain the brain fast through the use of hypnosis.

I hope, if possible, you can move forward with your relationship and rekindle it but, if not, I'm sure you can change this part of yourself to ensure better future relationships.

To your positive future,
Mark