How do I stop these obsessive thoughts?

Dear Mark,

I am 29 and pregnant with my second baby; my first daughter is 5 and from a previous relationship. I was recently signed off from work due to illness and the first week I was fine. However, the second week I suddenly had a huge sense and fear of death come over me.

Since then, I have been having panic attacks and anxiety and also I am finding I obsessively think about death and dying and getting old everyday. So much so, that I can't concentrate on anything. I find I am snappy with my partner and daughter and just exhausted by my thoughts. I don't want to think like this, as I am ruining what I have now, but it's almost like a tape recorder I can't turn off.

Please help.

This question was submitted by 'Amy'

Mark says...

Hello Amy and thanks for your question.

I am not going to try to appeal to your logic, that you are only 29 and so on. Why? Because obsession is not driven by thoughts, but by feelings that then produce thoughts. When you start to relax again, then your thoughts become much more 'normal' and flexible. You would have noticed there is a real inflexibility to the obsessive thoughts, which start to act in an automatic way and tend to be pretty uncreative and repetitious.

The most difficult thing to do is try not to think about it, because emotion keeps driving you back to think about it. This is one reason I like to help obsessive thinkers relax whilst they are thinking their obsessive thought. In this way, we take out the 'charge' or 'fuel' from the thought and it becomes instantly less compelling, so the person stops misusing their imagination to frighten themselves.

Having children is often a time of reflecting on our own mortality because being safe and sound now might feel more important because of dependents. You already have a child, you are going to have another one, but you can manage that.

I suggest you take a look at this article I wrote a while back - 'Overcome Obsessive Thoughts' - and also use the Stop Obsessive Thoughts hypnosis download once a day until you notice feeling calmer. When you reach the point where you can choose to use your imagination in the way you have been of late whilst feeling calm and in control (because anyone can imagine anything), then you know you have let your imagination know who is boss and can get on with your life.

All best wishes to you and your family,

Mark