I feel dead inside from all the abuse I suffered as a child

Hello, my name is Grace and I just recently read your article on self confidence. I have been struggling my whole life with issues. physical mental and sexual abuse. my childhood was a nightmare. now Im 27 and Im married. I feel that Im so damaged and that I will never be able to see myself positively. this is affecting the man that I love so dearly. I need help. I know Im alive but Im dead inside. I need to go to therapy I have been before for Rape trauma and ptsd. but wasnt helpful. can you give me tips on what to look for when picking out a therapist. I will be soo greatfull. Thank you for your time. - Grace

This question was submitted by 'lancaster1980'

Mark says...

Hello Grace,

Thank you for your question.

I'm really sorry to hear how horribly tough things have been for you. But please rest assured that you can feel different, feel whole and healthy and enjoy life so much more. A problem with traumatic memories is that whilst they are still traumatic they tend to feel recent (or even current) even if they happened many years ago. This has to do with the way the memory is stored in the brain. This article about a woman who was horribly abused for many years as a child may really help you have hope.

When choosing a therapist to work with I would ensure they are trained in up to date methods of trauma relief. Ideally they should have a knowledge of how trauma works in the brain and how to de-traumatise' memories so they no longer bother people in the present. They should be able to help you feel better about who you are (which will also be a happy side effect of getting over horrible memories) and know about the emotional and physical needs we all share in order to be happy and healthy: I suggest you avoid therapists who believe you have to 'go back into the pain' or 'relive' trauma in order to process it. I imagine you have already done quite enough 'reliving' awful times and you don't need to feel bad in therapy too. This is a good resource for what to look for in a psychotherapist: http://www.hgi.org.uk/register/choosing.htm

And please remember that your life doesnt have to be spoiled by what went before. You can feel reawakened and alive again inside and when that happens you will really feel you have risen above the past.

All my best,

Mark