I can chat online no problem, but when it gets real there's a problem

I am not skilled with conversation or used to it. When I get in a conversation with someone online, I can think in my head about what to say, sometimes. When I get in a conversation with someone in person, I can carry the conversation a bit, but everything I say seems to just flow out of my mouth without me being able to think in my head about what to say.

Is it normal to be unable to think with the voice in your head while making conversation with someone in person? I feel like I have no say in how the conversation flows or how I feel during the conversation.

This question was submitted by 'Seth'

Mark says...

Hello Seth and thanks for your message.

This is a really interesting question. There is a danger that we forget to hone our real life social skills if most of our socializing is done online. It's pretty easy to be articulate – witty, even – and shape the flow of conversation when we have time in which to respond or think of 'the right thing' to say.

In real life social encounters, we don't get to edit, delete, or spend five minutes thinking up a witty or clever response to something. Real life conversations are not meant to be controlled or overly planned, but spontaneous and 'imperfect'. In real life, people (even movie stars) don't talk how they talk in movies and they don't talk like they do online.

The best things to do to get better at any skill are:

Watch how people who are really good at it do it (and if they speak perfectly at all times, they will not be natural enough to be really great conversationalists), and...
Practice.

You could also try the 'Master Small Talk' download. And check out my article 'Be a Great Conversation Starter: Talk to Strangers with Ease' for additional tips.

All best wishes for your offline as well as online social life. : )

Mark