How do I stop my grandiose ambitions?

Hello, Mark!

How do I overcome delusions of grandeur and instead feel satisfied with more realistic goals? I have been taking a drug called Lamictal to stabilize my Bipolar Disorder. The Lamictal works well and has made life manageable. But I've still been lost and unmotivated about what to do with my future (I'm 40 years old).

I recently realized that every dream I have is grandiose and unrealistic (e.g. famous actor, scientist, writer, inventor, political/religious leader). I've always felt like I was special, that I was destined to do something truly great and live on in the memories of millions! And I deserve to be rich and have servants! I'll be a god among men! Okay, I'm sure you're getting the picture.

So, after a little research, I discovered that delusions of grandeur are common among those who suffer from Bipolar Disorder. I believe the Lamictal keeps me rational, but the feeling that I must become famous, loved, and remembered pulls at me strongly and makes it difficult for me to choose a future, such as starting college. I believe it's my attachment to a grandiose future that prevents me from doing the work necessary to have a 'normal' future. It's as if my mind is saying, "If I can't have greatness, then I'll have nothing! All that work isn't worth the time and effort if there's no guarantee that I'll have immortality or, at least, a life of riches and pleasure!"

So, how do I overcome this block? Thank you for your time and help!

Best wishes,

David

This question was submitted by 'David'

Mark says...

Hello David and thank you for writing in.

I have always suffered from chronic and long-term optimism, so it's hard for me to tell you that all your plans may be impossible, but I will try to supply some balance.

Bipolarity can certainly send people into hyper-mode, in which they assume they are or shortly will be world leaders in thought, religion, science, or the arts. These fantasies are sometimes propped up by the way our culture is saturated with ideas of 'anyone can achieve anything' and 'all you have to do is believe and you can have what you want'. These sound like positive ideas, but of course life is more complicated (and interesting) than this kind of simplistic melding together of the American dream with magical thinking implies.

You are 40 now. In your forties, you make it an aim to enjoy goals for their intrinsic rewards rather than their extrinsic reward. By that, I mean that so much research into motivation shows that it's when we enjoy and value an activity for its own sake (rather than pursing it because it will make us rich, famous, or respected) that the activity truly makes us happy. Check out my short blog on why excessive praise can make us less effective and happy: 'Why telling people how wonderful they are isn't always a good idea'.

'Greatness' and 'success', perhaps even more than beauty, are subjective. Hitler and Stalin were seen as great in their time by some. Some of the genuinely greatest people have perhaps been unknown because celebrity may have interfered with what they had to do in the world. It's not that you shouldn't strive to improve and achieve, but rather you perhaps need to become more creative and loosen up your thinking, be less all-or-nothing: "If I can’t have greatness, then I’ll have nothing!"

Great aspiration needs to be focussed on:

Intrinsic reward rather than chasing fame and fortune for its own sake. The possible by-product shouldn't be the thing itself.
Being realistic in the sense that actionable steps are located and followed. See: '10 Steps to a Stellar Success Mindset'.
The fact that it's not great big things that make us happy, but lots of small daily pleasures and satisfactions.

You might also find this article useful, David: 'What Does "Achieving Your Potential" Really Mean?'.

It won't help you to be remembered. Just as funerals are for the ones left behind, not the ones who have departed for destinations unknown. Universal adulation or reverence can be the last thing people need, just as a constant diet of sugar can destroy the metabolism. Really think about these things the next time you are tempted to get too swept along in grandiosity.

I'd also say that, in a way, dreaming of adulation, praise, respect, going down in history, and all that stuff might be under-selling your true potential.

All my best,

Mark