How do I overcome my terrible jealousy?

I have a terrible problem with jealousy. I read '7 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in Relationships' and it helped at the moment. Then I read something on my boyfriend's Facebook that said, "If I ever had feelings for you, I always will. I can't just hate you after caring for you so much.'' And it made me jealous because I knew it was about the girl he was with before me.

Also, he is so outgoing and talks to a lot of girls and I just have a fear that either the girl or my boyfriend will start getting feelings for the other person. This jealousy problem is driving me insane and I'm sure it's ruining my relationship. Please help me, I really need it.

This question was submitted by 'Ashley'

Mark says...

Hi Ashley and thank you for writing in.

It can be difficult when what you find attractive in your partner - traits such as sociability, good communication, and so on - are also appealing to others.

Has he ever cheated on you? Do you know that he has? Or is he just a caring guy who doesn't just shut down all feelings once he's moved on from a relationship? Once we've been with someone and we really cared for them, then there is always a trace of caring; perhaps that is what your boyfriend meant with his Facebook post. Although I can understand why you found it hurtful and it made you feel insecure.

I'm guessing you didn't ask him about this post? The fact is, unless you have evidence that he cheats, then in order to maintain the relationship at its best you will need to trust him and this involves not checking up on him. I suggest you listen to both 'Stop Snooping on Your Partner' and the 'Overcome Jealousy' download.

Clinging tighter to something or someone we care deeply about feels like the natural thing to do, but the tighter grip can't be maintained and, in the end, traps the very thing you care about to the point that it needs to escape. This is a real opportunity for you to develop as a person and if he is worth having in your life, he will prove that to you by the way he treats you and wants to be with you.

All best wishes,

Mark