How do I overcome agoraphobia?

Hi Mark,

Do you have any advice in how to overcome agoraphobia and the fear of just not being good enough? I became isolated last year, having suffered a bout of depression, and as a result am finding it hard to rebuild my life. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kind regards,

Tess

This question was submitted by 'Tess'

Mark says...

Hi Tess,

Thank you for writing in. Things must have been really tough for you, but they can improve so much.

A period of agoraphobia can follow a period of depression because depression is essentially a kind of painful hibernation from life in which people withdraw from doing the kinds of things that would meet their emotional needs because everything feels so overwhelming. Once the depression clears off, the habit of avoidance - of not meeting one's emotional or even physical needs - may still remain.

Anything we don't do for a while - whether it's fly in a plane, talk in front of a group, or go out of the house - starts to be tagged by the unconscious mind as a threat. Your unconscious (also known as your 'subconscious') mind tries to help you out by having you fear what you avoid because it's as if it concludes, 'Well, this must be threatening; otherwise, we would be doing this.' We avoid what we fear, but we also come to fear what we avoid. Which is why it can feel like a big deal to do something for the first time or for the first time in a long time.

The antidote is to begin to teach your subconscious mind that it no longer needs to be producing a fear response and you do this by starting to go out more bit by bit. But, of course, it can feel overwhelming, weird, or scary to go out when you have been avoiding places or situations for so long. This is why we use relaxing hypnosis as a way of safely and really calmly rehearsing going out in the mind before you do it for real. In this way, when you do start to go into the situations you were avoiding, you already and naturally feel calm enough. I hope that makes sense.

There is a vicious cycle in not feeling good enough making us avoid life but then avoiding life making us not feel 'good enough'. If you haven't already, I suggest you read this piece on self-esteem and consider getting the 'Overcoming Agoraphobia' download. Whether you use the download or not, take time when you relax to imagine being in the kinds of situations in which you need to be more relaxed. The more you do this, the more you reassure your unconscious mind that these times are non-threatening.

You'll get there, Tess. : )

All the best,

Mark