How can I stop being lonely and self doubting?

I am a 25-year-old male. My biggest problem is my loneliness (I don't have any friends).

Also, I have too many problems, like I am always jealous and insecure about my younger brothers and sisters pursuing the same career as me. I am always insecure and fear that their success will undermine mine. I also get jealous of any person close to me and feel good when they fail. I feel very insecure deep down inside. I constantly compare my achievements with others and try to put my accomplishments up.

I want everybody in my family to be under me, i.e. they should have any job that is below me. I lack self-confidence; I doubt myself too much.

This question was submitted by 'Amer'

Mark says...

Hi Amer,

If you didn't drink water or eat food for long enough, you would have symptoms. When we don't meet a need - and that includes an emotional need - then we experience a symptom or 'signal' that we need to meet that need. Loneliness is a signal/symptom that you need social contact.

The other issues you describe - such as jealousy and seeing human relationships (particularly with your family, it seems) only in terms of competition - may also be just symptoms of an off-balance life. Seeing, meeting, and taking time with more people may 'quench' your need for social contact to the extent that all these symptoms disappear.

It sounds like you need some empathy training. I suggest you take a look at the Primal Human Needs so that you can better understand your own, but also - and this is important - other people's needs. You could also think about using the empathy download ('Walk in Others' Shoes') and the 'Socializing Motivation' download. You need to quench that particular 'thirst'.

When we have too little contact, our brains can 'go to seed' a bit and make us feel a bit strange. That's why your primal human needs (which include helping others meet their needs) are so important.

All my best,

Mark