Can't get over how I cheated on him

Hi Mark

Some time back I cheated on the love of my life. I feel terrible even writing this. Me and my man have been together for ten years and married for six. We love each other deeply but like everyone have had our ups and downs and a while back things had got really stale. Due to both our work pressures we went through a phase of not making love for quite some time.

During that time I had a brief sexual fling with a work colleague. I was flattered by the attention he gave me. He was attractive but I didn't fall in love with him and bitterly regretted it almost straight away. That colleague has now left and I have no contact with him anymore and it's been over two year since 'the affair.' I've never been a cheat and don't know why I did on this occasion. I do want to have children with my husband and I know I was feeling neglected but that wasn't his fault. We are much closer again and have resumed our love life but I can't stop feeling horribly guilty about what I did although he is unlikely ever to know because I really think it would break his heart. Every day, all day I punish myself and it's stopping me feeling natural with my husband. How can I stop feeling so tormented by my mistake and move on?

S.T

This question was submitted by 'S T'

Mark says...

Hello S T. It sounds as if you have been punished and are still being punished for the affair you had. You obviously deeply love your husband and value your marriage but were caught up in the excitement and glamour of a new attraction. You mention that you want children with your husband but not whether this is the plan, whether he wants to or not. There is a natural human tendency to want to put things right and tip the balance of the scales of justice through some sort of redress or punishment. And this includes self punishment. Punishments should have an end. You have suffered your (self) punishment for two years. How much more do you need to suffer? To err is human, we all make mistakes and we can all learn from them.

I suggest you use the 'Overcome Guilt and Shame' download and also the 'Let It Go' session.

You need to live in the present and look forward to the future with your husband because what is done is done.

All my best,
Mark