What's going on with my girlfriend?

Hi Mark,

I'm not sure if you'll read my message, but I really need someone's opinion right now. The thing is the 'weather' of our relationship. I really adore her, give my time to her, and always listen to her. And now I somewhat realize: do I really deserve to be ignored right now or did I do something wrong?

I know this is nuts, but lately these few weeks have been rough. She's not making time worth it when I'm around. I'm a person who appreciates things, cool as a clown, and observes moods; sometimes I end up losing my attitude and I myself fall into the weather of moody.

This is the situation these last few weeks when she changed a lot. She's a nursing student and we celebrated the Intramurals Week: a week of competition against other departments, which her dean forced her to join because of lack of representatives. It's like a beauty contest. She practiced and ended up first runner-up. As a boyfriend, I'm really proud of her, but she's not really happy because she thought she would be the winner and she thinks she was cheated.

Then the other situation came: her cousin died in a running water. She really was shocked, she cried, and now she's very sensitive. I can't even calm her down when she's crying or mad sometimes. I'm really thinking hard what is going on right now? She can't even text me or reply to my messages; I'm calling her and she's not answering.

Mark, will I keep on playing her games right now?

This question was submitted by 'Ericson'

Mark says...

Hello and thanks for writing in.

It sounds like your girlfriend is going through a really tough time right now. She has been disappointed in her work, but also shocked by the death of her cousin. Different people deal with stress in different ways. It may be that she deals with it best by shutting down a bit and needing space. It might be that you feel she has changed a lot to you over the last three weeks when it's just that she is different because of these other stresses.

Does she want to be with you? Does she tell you she loves you? Do you spend at least some quality time together? When the 'weather' is bad, you might need to wrap up or carry an umbrella. You need to be as supportive as she lets you be, but also protect yourself from some of the harsher elements of this relationship. You can do that by spending time with friends, following your own interests, and being your own man. This doesn't mean neglecting her, but she needs to know you have needs, too. Anyway, how can you neglect someone who won't let themselves be tended or helped?

You ask me if you should keep playing her games and of course you should not. If she is non-communicative, then don't keep trying to communicate with her. Spend time with your friends, let her make efforts or come to you. This is not playing games; just you responding to the natural ebbs and flows of this relationship.

Let her go through this period of stress and see how she comes through it. Help her as much as she will let you, but don't push it too hard and don't be affected too much if she doesn't respond to your communications but then, when you do your own thing, accuses you neglecting her. Because if she does that, then she really is putting you in a lose/lose situation. We need to make allowances for people when they are going through tough times, but you need to ensure this really is the long-term relationship for you.

All best wishes,

Mark