The married woman I had an affair with is pregnant and I think it's mine

Mark I have got myself into a soap opera sort of situation. I am married and have two sons with my wife. But for the last few years I have been having an affair with my co-worker, who is also married. She ended the relationship four months ago and has recently announced she's pregnant. That means there's a good chance the baby is mine. I have tried asking my ex if that's true and she ignores me. I think it is though because years ago she and her husband tried IVF to get pregnant because he has something wrong with his sperm.

How can I know if the baby is mine or not? What should I do if it is? My wife comes from a wealthy family and her father bought us our house, all tied up in a trust fund so if we divorce then she keeps the house. I know she would get a good lawyer and get custody of the boys. I could lose everything. I have been really worried about this. I know I am in the wrong, but I really love my wife and my ex and my sons and the new baby.

This question was submitted by 'anonymous'

Mark says...

Hello,

Yes this is quite a tangled situation. It sounds to me as though neither you nor this woman want to start a new life together away from your respective spouses or families. Your co-worker ex-lover doesn't seem to want contact with you which tells me that she doesn't feel she wants you to be part of the baby's life - as harsh as this might feel for you.

Choices have to be made and it sounds as if this other woman has made hers which in a way means that a choice has already been made for you, which is to stay with the wife and family you love. You mentioned that you fear losing 'everything' if all this came out and your wife divorced you. You'd lose the house, possibly access to your sons and maybe even any chance of being a father to this new baby as well (if it is yours).

At least you have tried to discuss your ex lover's pregnancy with her but it may be that she is determined to bring the baby up within her marriage and, I'm afraid, if that is her wish you need to accept this.

I suggest you really focus on moving on and, as you still love your wife and have your sons. Listen to the 'Let Go of the Past' download and reflect regularly on the reality of losing your wife and family (and house) and what that would mean.

I hope everyone in this situation can attain the best possible happiness.

All best wishes,
Mark