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How can I stop this relationship just being about sex?

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I just started a relationship with an awesome man who made the difference in me, but I feel there's a gap between us since I don't get enough phone calls from him - he might call in three days. Or so! But he texts me every day.

We are three hours away from each other, so we don't get to see each other enough. He may come to my place once a week and vice versa, but the thing is we don't talk about our self goals or how we see things. I'm afraid this relationship is meant to be for sex only and I don't want it to happen.

I'm so confused. I don't bother him by my phone calls, I don't want him to feel he is controlled or choking, but I want to hear his voice at least once a day for three minutes.

Please help me with what to do.

This question was submitted by 'Sabrine'

mark tyrrell

Mark says...

Hello Sabrine and thank you for writing in.

There is another way of looking at this. You don't want the relationship to be just about sex, so don't make it just about sex.

It's easy when you get into a relationship to worry that you might be putting pressure on someone, but does that have to mean you put no pressure on them?

It's easy to worry that you don't want to 'bother' someone or ask anything of them. But if you never 'bother' or ask anything of them, then the relationship may just sink to the point of being its bare bones. It may become its simplest form, it may become nothing more than a vehicle for sexual release.

If he reacts strongly to you gently asking for him to meet some of your needs, then he is not in need of a relationship at all and he would be making that clear. People fear losing relationships when they don't realize that what they think they have isn't really a relationship at all.

Talk to him, communicate your needs. He may be assuming you are happy with the way things are. He may even assume it’s you who like things this way.

All the best of luck,

Mark

watch icon Published by Mark Tyrrell - January 2nd, 2015 in

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