How can I overcome my inferiority complex?

Hello Mark,

How do I overcome my inferiority complex?

When I was 13, I was normal like everyone. However, after that, my friends started saying that the way I walk is not good, the way I stand is not good, and my postures are awkward. It had impacted me very deeply and I started feeling inferior to everyone.

Now, a situation has come where I cannot speak in meetings at my workplace just with feeling that I'm inferior and people don’t give importance to what I speak. I have tried in many ways to overcome my inferiority complex, but I'm unable to come out of it.

Do I have to consult a hypnotist on this? Can hypnotism solve my problem?

Please advise.

This question was submitted by 'Randy'

Mark says...

Hello Randy and thank you for writing in.

The opposite to the kind of negatively biased self-consciousness you describe is self-forgetting. What do I mean by that?

Well, self-confidence doesn't mean going around thinking you're great or the way you walk is fantastic or that you are better than other people or even just as good. No, real self-confidence is the state of 'spare capacity' we have when we feel so calm about ourselves that we don't have to think about ourselves at all but can just direct our attention away from ourselves onto the situation we are in. Does that make sense?

Anyone can find something 'wrong' with themselves if they look hard enough. We are meant to focus out onto the world, not just on ourselves. Real friends will help build you up, not put you down. However, maybe they felt you were better in some ways than they were, who knows?

At some time, you were 'programmed' to feel the way you do and, of course, you can learn to relax about yourself and feel calm, clear, and self-possessed during those meetings at work when you might need to speak up or out.

I suggest you listen to the 'Stop Feeling Inferior Pack' and also the 'Confidence in Meetings' download.

All best wishes,

Mark