I want to end my relationship but feel so guilty

Hi Mark,

I'm in a relationship with a really nice guy and I have been for nearly a year now. The problem is, for weeks now I've been wanting to call it off with him. We just do not have that 'spark' and my feelings for him are more of friendship than anything else. I've been feeling this way for a long time and I know it's the right thing to do.

I just can't bear to hurt him as I know he loves me a lot. He has never done anything to hurt me, and he helped me through a really difficult event six months ago.

I was devastated by a break-up about three years ago and I do not want to hurt my current sweet boyfriend the way I was hurt when my ex dumped me for another woman.

Mark how can I end things with him without hurting him really badly? Or should I just try to rekindle things? As I say, I like him alot I just don't 'love' him and he is always telling me he loves me. Sometimes I'll go to tell him how I feel and then chicken out at the last minute.

From,

Very Guilty

This question was submitted by 'Very Guilty'

Mark says...

Hello 'Very Guilty'

It can be so hard to honestly face the fact that someone is not right for us. The question I want you to consider is: Have you lost the spark or did you never have it with this guy? If you have lost it then there is no reason why you shouldn't make efforts to rekindle it. Too many people throw away perfectly good relationships.

On the other hand if you know that it wasn't right from the beginning then it might well be time to move on to give both of you a chance to move on with your lives. Here's another way of thinking about it. If it's not right for you then it's not really right for him either. He needs someone to love him the way you don't. You can really think about that point and see how it relates to your situation. It's so easy to feel guilty in a situation like this but no one can force themselves to feel an attraction or a type of love that just isn't there. It's interesting you say it's only been weeks that you've been wanting to call it off. I wonder what's changed. It might be that a once mutually fulfilling and passionate relationship is just reaching a natural 'levelling off' period. If you feel you did and basically do have a real connection with this man that has just become a little obscured recently then I suggest you try 'Put the Spark Back'.

If you feel that he is really not for you and you need to finish this soon then I suggest you use the 'End of a Relationship Pack' which will help you both feel better about ending it and help you feel more confident to actually do so.

You can't be in a relationship just to avoid upsetting someone.

I hope you both find happiness in whatever way is right for you,

Mark