I started to change too late and now he's left me. What can I do?

Dear Mark,

I have purchased the 10 Steps to Overcome Insecurity in Relationships and I am currently on Week 4. But I feel like I have started the program too late, because this Monday my partner broke up with me.

I feel devastated. I feel like all the efforts I have been putting up are for nothing. I don't know what to do. I want him back, I want him to see the efforts I have made and am willing to make.

I am very lost and not sure how to proceed from now.

This question was submitted by 'Nadia'

Mark says...

Hello Nadia,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Whatever happens with your ex-boyfriend, remember that what you are getting from the overcome insecurity program will help you for life regardless of the fact he has left you. So keep doing the course for the time being.

If you have contact with him, tell him you are changing and have even been taking a course to change your insecurities into confidence. Partners of those with emotional insecurities need time to learn to trust that their partner can be in a relationship that doesn't hurt or suffer the effects of excessive insecurities. So tell him, if you can, that you are changing, that you'd love the chance to show him you are changing, and that you want to be with him again.

But if it's too late this time around, focus on what you have learnt and what you are learning. We can all get better at relationships and this might be a painful step along the way to you becoming better at relationships in the future. It may be great if you two reunite or you might find an even better future beyond this person.

Keep your life open, meet with friends, pursue other interests, and remember what this has taught you.

All my best,

Mark