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I have pushed him away. What should I do?

On my birthday in May last year, a young guy saw my picture and showed interest in me. We got talking and he also came around to visit, because we don't live in the same city. When he visited, I was disappointed with what I saw. He was too young, didn't have the swag like most of the guys I met, and wasn't as polished as I expected. He was just too different from the other guys that I dated.

He told me that he liked me and wanted a relationship. I wasn't friendly to him at all and gave him attitude to push him away because I just wasn't interested in his kind of person. A friend of mine asked me to give him a trial, that he was a nice person and the issues I pointed out can be worked on. I wasn't yet satisfied; I was confused, so I had to talk to a couple of friends to get their opinion. I accepted their opinions and decided to date him.

All through this time, he has been a wonderful, caring, and lovely guy. He loved me so much and did so much to let me know how much he loved me and was willing to do more. But I had a problem - it was difficult to love him and he knew I didn't love him because my attitude and actions made it obvious. Everything was looking too good to be true. I had feelings for him, but couldn't get to loving him because he was a Catholic and an undergraduate. I was always wondering what my family and friends would think, but deep down in me I wanted to be with him.

We always had issues; I didn't make him feel special and loved and he was always telling me what to do before I did it. On three occasions he tried ending the relationship because I didn't love him. But I always pleaded with him to give me another chance, that with time I will come to love him. I just couldn't explain what my problem was and it was difficult making up my mind. As we entered the new year, I resolved to work on my relationship. I told myself that love is a state of mind and made up my mind to fix it.

But the ironic part is that he made a New Year resolution to quit therelationship. He feels that he fooled himself and wasted his time all these months while pursuing shadows. He changed his attitude, stopped calling, and stopped doing all those lovely things he used to do. He told me that he is tired of pushing therelationshipand forcing me to do things a lady in love will natural do for her man. I told him that I was sorry and ready for therelationshipnow and that he should give me one more chance. He still insisted that he was tired of arguing and resolving the same issues, that he needs someone serious-minded who is ready to love and support him, that he loves me so much and would love to be with me, but that therelationshipisn't working and he doesn't think it can work.

I don't know what to do because I have finally pushed him away and am scared that he will never come back. I don't know how to deal with this, because it drives me crazy whenever I remember. I don't know if this wasn't meant to be in the first place. My parents are not in support of his religion. I am confused.

This question was submitted by 'Oge'

mark tyrrell

Mark says...

Hi Oge,

Well, from what you have said in your message, you didn't love him and you haven't said at any time that you came to love this man. Of course you couldn't show love to a man you didn't love. Or maybe you did come to love him?

It might be a case of you only now coming to appreciate him because he is no longer there. Perhaps you should find a man you really do love, someone you can treat well and appreciate. It doesn't sound like you were made for each other from what you've written.

All the best for the future,

Mark

watch icon Published by Mark Tyrrell - March 2nd, 2014 in

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