How can I stop fearing my girlfriend will cheat on me?

Hey mark. Well my girlfriend is in Texas visiting her family. She's going to be there for about 2 weeks. We've been dating for almost a year now. But I'm always questioning on what she might be doing if she doesn't reply or wants to talk on the phone. I'm always creating these stupid scenarios in my head that probably will never happen. She tells me to stop worrying because she will never cheat on me. I trust her, but I always over think everything and I really despise that. I'm worrying that one day she might leave me because I'm being to jealousy and clingy. What can I do to stop this?

This question was submitted by 'Brianthemofo'

Mark says...

Hi Brian,

It is so easy to misuse our imaginations. You create scenarios in your mind and believe they might be true or come true because they seem so real in your imagination. Your imagination is a tool that you should be using (not be used by) to make your life better not worse. It must be tough for your girlfriend because, as you say, clingyness and insecurity are not attractive traits and cause problems where none need to be. But she tells you she'll never cheat on you and it sounds like you have no reason to doubt her.

Our imaginations are so strong (which is why I use hypnosis to help people use their imagiantions in ways to help them). The problem is we can come to believe what we imagine and then creatively fit what happens in real life to the fears we've imagined. For example you might imagine your girlfriend cheating or wanting to cheat then start to see anything she says or does as 'evidence' that what you have imagined is more than just fantasy. We find what we want (or don't want) to find.

I suggest you tell your girlfriend you love her and you love her so much that you are going to try to be different and more secure. You could imagine anything. You could imagine alien invaders coming down in space ships, it could even seem pretty real in your head, then you might have a weird dream at night of flying through the air on a flying carpet. It feels completely real in the dream. But when you awaken do you continue to believe it actually happened or is likely to? Or do you just dismiss it as a real-seeming illusion of your imagination as you slept? Since you dismiss your imaginings from dreams at night, then you can do that too with waking 'day dreams' or 'day-nightmares' of your girlfriend cheating or losing interest in you.

Next time you have a counterproductive fantasy as to what she might be doing when not in contact, remind yourself that relationships are like flowers in gardens - they need time and space in which to grow. If you plant flowers too close together they will crowd one another out and fail to grow. During those times when you don't have contact think of it as healthy 'growing time' because people need room to breath and 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' at least in small doses. Ensure you physically relax everyday so that your imagination can have a calm base from which to work and do what it is supposed to do which is to create possible goals and ideas for you to work towards.

And remember even if the 'worst' did happen you could still survive and thrive. When we understand that whatever happens we'd still be okay (however it seems within the imagination) then fear dissolves and we can enjoy what we have right now. The future will take care of itself : )

All my best,

Mark