Help, how do I regain a sense of connection and intimacy?

Hi,

I was wondering which hypnosis downloads you would recommend for a particularly bothersome characteristic I have developed. Lately, I have been struggling to feel warm loving feelings towards others as much as I used to. I am still more or less a kind person who tends to understand and respect others. But I have been struggling to feel much genuine empathy, love, and affection towards others.

I suspect this may be a symptom of my worsening depression and anxiety. Although in the past I have retained a powerful capacity for empathy even during periods of depression, now I feel unable to connect empathetically even during moments of 'normal' mood. I find this characteristic very disturbing because empathizing deeply and feeling affection are very satisfying.

My dad is very sick and I would love to be able to offer him more warmth and love than I am currently capable of. The oxytocin just doesn't seem to be flowing these days. This problem is causing me so much shame and guilt, it's almost unbearable. (My libido is also in the dumps, so I am having a hard time connecting with my girlfriend sexually, as well as emotionally.)

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much, Mark!

This question was submitted by 'Brett'

Mark says...

Hello Brett,

Thank you so much for writing in. Certainly depression can temporarily make you feel disconnected from others and can also have an impact upon oxytocin and also testosterone levels (important for libido in both men and women). You never chose to feel this lowering of empathy or connection, so I hope any feelings of shame can abate pretty quickly. : ) You are only responsible for what you are responsible for.

I wonder what caused you to feel depressed. Depression happens after a buildup of stress and overwhelm in which a person starts to feel helpless, then hopeless. So it may be a good idea to look at how you have been dealing with stresses and problems generally. As people develop, they can often learn strategies to keep them out of depression in future and to start (forgive the cliché) thriving, not just surviving.

If you haven't already, I urge you to read the Depression Learning Path, which will reassure you as to the temporary and very beatable nature of depression. Stress, worry, and depression make us focus on ourselves, sometimes to the exclusion of others. This is natural with any pain, emotional or physical. If I stub my toe, my focus is entirely on me whilst the pain lasts; in that instant, I have no spare capacity to focus on anyone else's needs. This doesn't make me a bad person - just a person.

So, feeling stressed, depressed, and anxious blocks empathy as clouds block sunlight, but research also shows that focusing on others in empathetic ways is a natural protection against depression. You are naturally an empathetic guy, so actively focusing on others will help 'kick start' your genuine empathy. It's good sometimes to reflect on the temporary nature of reality - not as a way of scaring oneself, but as a way of increasing a kind of exquisite appreciation of other people. The planet Earth has been here for around 4.5 billion years. You and I - in fact, anybody here right now - could have been born into any one of the thousands of generations that have come before or will come after us. It's incredible that with the Universe being 14 billion years old, the ones who are alive right now are...us. No one is here forever; we will all return to wherever we came from. But whilst we, your partner, your friends, and your family are here, it's amazing to appreciate the privilege we all share being under the sun for the here and now.

As for downloads, I recommend you use the 'Feel Connected' download and the 'Develop Emotional Intimacy' session. I think as you start to feel connected again to those in your life, your sex drive will return. But should you ever need it, we do have 'Increase Libido - Male'.

All best wishes,

Mark