How can I stop my insecurities ending my marriage?

Mark,

I have a wonderful man of eight years whom I have done nothing but push away with insecurities about a lot of things. I am very determined to change my thinking habits, but he is very done with dealing with this and is on the crux of leaving because I have pushed so far.

What can I, or should I, do to begin the process of healing for myself, my children, and my husband and have it make a dent so that he will notice change...and I won’t lose everything I have put effort into for years? I am in desperate need of some help and quickly!

This question was submitted by 'Kristie'

Mark says...

Hi Kristie and thank you for writing in.

This is an issue of trust. And by that, I don't mean that your insecurities are just about trust, trust that he loves you or does or will want to be with you. I also mean, when I say 'trust', that he needs to trust that you can trust the relationship without doubts causing him and yourself misery. Trust takes time to build, so he would need to see a change over time rather than one big demonstration that you have changed.

I suggest that you suggest he give you three months to prove to him you can change. Tell him you are committed to be different and that you realize he needs to experience this difference for a period of time. In effect, you are asking him for a reprieve because you feel your marriage is worth fighting for - but even more than that, it's worth changing for.

Take a look at the 10 Steps to Overcome Insecurity in Relationships program, and if you decide to take it, let him know you are. He needs to feel that you are different and that you've developed in this particular way; mere words are no demonstration at all.

I really hope this all works out for you and your family.

Best wishes,

Mark