How can I make my boyfriend miss me?

Hi Mark,

My boyfriend is not missing me. How can I try to make him miss me and remember the good memories instead of the bad? He is a stubborn person and his friends are keeping him away from me. What can I do to get him back?

It is the fifth day of totally no contact since I broke the 'no contact' after two weeks because I couldn't handle it. So I'm starting again. How can I make him miss me and want me back?

He also said he doesn't want anything to do with me, but I know he did not mean it since he said sorry.

This question was submitted by 'Patricia'

Mark says...

Hi Patricia and thank you for writing in.

Well, you can't make someone miss you, even your boyfriend. I'm wondering why he said he doesn't want anything to do with you. What would have prompted him to say that? When it is a relief not to see someone because they were causing more problems than it felt the relationship was worth, then they won't miss you. Sorry to be so harsh.

But maybe that's not how it is. Maybe he has been unreasonable or maybe he expected a relationship to have no problems whatsoever. Perhaps he is the kind of person who focuses too much on the negative and not enough on the positive. It sounds like right now he is enjoying the pressure being off and having time with his friends.

All you can do, I think, is give him time to miss you and, if you do have contact with him, focus on the good times you had together rather than any problem talk. Remind him of the fun, laughter, and intimacy you shared, not in an accusatory way (as in "Look what you've thrown away!"), but just in a reminiscing kind of way.

If you have to let him go, then I'm sorry, but it might just be you don't have a future with him. But either way, you can make a good future for yourself.

All my best,

Mark