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He wants to move on from me

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I really need some external perspective on this.

2 days ago my 7 year relationship ended. We had issues including egos, jealousy, "restrictive" from both sides, I’ve brought up splitting before to discuss but we always pull through.

I had a misunderstanding with him on Sat &was angry so I got "contract" for him to sign for him to agree to unreasonable terms even after misunderstanding cleared. I’m wrong. On Tues, he asked what I think about us &I asked him "r u breaking up with me"; reply "kind of thinking about it".

Being angry I outlined a list of why he should. 2nd mistake .

He asked me if it feels unreal, we had a little quarrel. He refused to talk &went to his friend’s place so I dropped him some food & old stuff with his sister. 2am, I got texts telling me to move on.

He called crying saying he did something terrible - leaving me (he promised me before he’ll never leave me) &worried I’ll not be ok. I said we can work through but he insisted no. We got complacent &didn't cherish. He said to meet, but later not wanting as he is still emotional & no point"Just let it go “&”he is stupid with an inflated ego" said his friends.

Last month we planned to get married. Fri he still sent me sweet email. I realised "contract" was a trigger-I visited him &apologised this morning. Response:no need, absolutely no turning back, he thought I would be proud &just accept the split, he felt unreal before &now real, he does not love me anymore after the weekend, wants us to move on&stop tr

This question was submitted by 'sgyy9p'

mark tyrrell

Mark says...

Hi, I'm a little unclear from your message on a few things. It seems he cried and said he'd made a terrible mistake but then refused to come back or work through any issues with you? One thing that does come though in your email is that he seems certain it is over, at least he feels that way now. It sounds like the issuing of a relationship 'contract' may have been the tip of the iceberg in this relationship, or, to use another metaphor, the straw that broke the camel's back.

The fact he is saying he no longer loves you means I think that you will need, as harsh and hard as it is to say and for you to hear it, to accept that perhaps this relationship really is over. Of course it may be that as time goes on you both will feel you want to try again but I think it's wiser for you right now to assume and behave as though this is the end of it. This will help protect you emotionally. Take time to imagine and really think about how your future can be good and fulfilling without him in it. It's an illusion to feel that without just one person life can't feel meaningful.

All my best and I'm sorry for what happened,

Mark

watch icon Published by Mark Tyrrell - December 20th, 2013 in

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