I've been out of work since August of last year. They did something to me that I became demotivated & allowed myself to either get fired or quit, with or without a job.

After applying to 100s of places, getting rejected on 10 final round interviews, I decided to change my strategy. I started creating pre-interview projects, investing more time before the application by showing how I can solve their problems.

I got rejected again. However, I got a different rejection answer. Apparently the other candidate was a friend of hiring panels upper management and the pre-interview worked.

This happened a few weeks ago, the last time I applied anywhere. I feel like I know what I need to be doing but I'm not for whatever reason, I'm not and it kills me. I've been consciously choosing to drink more, start smoking, & watch porn all to distract myself of the feeling of having to work hard and be disappointed again.

I need a change. Part of me feels like I have no control, the other side says I'm being lazy.