When I was younger I was a much better saver with finances, able to sleep whenever I wanted, and basically my love couldn't be bought with money. I was a much nicer person. How do I go back to who I was when I was as a kid before life and depression (controlled with medication) took over?

Also, I was going through a really emotional time a couple of years ago. It caused me to kiss someone close to me. Now I'm afraid of sending out any subliminal messages, look in my eyes, body language, how I talk to him, saying that there might be romantic feelings towards me and that person. I also would hate to blurt it out if I were drinking or sleep talking. I also need to stop thinking about it.