I need a download to help me accept behaviour by my partner
Hi, I am in a long-distance relationship. My partner is going through redundancy, which is traumatic for him. He is in the UK, I am in Australia.
On the last two occasions, when he is back in the UK, he will turn his phone off (no email) so I cannot contact him (I send texts, which he reads). He contacts me when it suits him. I know he does this with his own family, as well. It seems he cuts people off when he is stressed.
I try desperately to get him to contact me. What I want to do is take control of how I react to this. I want to stop desperately trying to contact him. In fact, I want to take control and just let what I see as cruel, hurtful behaviour wash over me and for me to STOP contacting him when he cuts me off despite all the fears and doubts it causes me. Help.
Hi there,
Thank you for your question. I can see how this would be a troubling situation, especially with the distance involved. What you describe, the cutting off of communication, sounds like what John Gottman terms 'stonewalling'. In his studies, stonewalling was overwhelmingly done by men. When the two of you are in the same geographic area, you may want to consider couple's counseling, because - as you know - communication is important in relationships.
In the meantime, I hope you find one or more of the downloads below helpful. I've also included a few your partner might find helpful.
Best wishes,
Rebekah
Uncommon Care Team
