Looking for advice about a guy I like

Anonymous's picture

I have been liking a guy for over a year now and I know he likes me too. The thing is, you might find this weird, but I feel like he's my destiny and he's so similar to me in so many ways even though we haven't spoken much. We see each other once a week at church and I randomly ran into him in so many places last summer. I just feel like it's fate and it feels so right. I know it's crazy and I don't wanna just assume things, but ok.

So the problem is that he's really shy and I think lacks courage. I recently sent him a message and I'm regretting it because when I saw him last week he was trying to avoid our conversation. I think I sounded too harsh in the message and it made him pull back a bit. I said that he should have courage, it's inside him, and that he shouldn't care what others think because the right people will like him no matter what or something, which was stupid now that I think about it.

But I was wondering if you can help me take the next step, please and thanks.

Rebekah Hall's picture

Hi there,

Thank you for your question.

You say you haven't really talked to this fellow since your message (or at all), so you don't really know what he thinks of that message or of you. There could be any number of explanations for why he was distracted or distant when you saw him last week: perhaps he was thinking about plans he had after church, could be something stressful happened at work, or maybe his cat just died. You just don't know and are making assumptions about his behavior and thoughts based on what you're thinking. Many (possibly even most) people do this, but it's important not to accept those assumptions as truth without more evidence. So, firstly, I'm going to suggest you listen to 'Stop Mindreading'.

As for the next step, you say you haven't spoken much, but you're sure this man is your destiny, he likes you and is just shy, and you have much in common. I wonder what you're basing that on if you haven't talked much? I'd suggest that the next time you see him, you tell him you enjoy talking to him and would like to get to know him better outside of church. Perhaps invite him out to grab a cup of coffee after church next week (state a specific day or a couple days for him to choose from, rather than saying "sometime", because being too vague can lead to it never happening).

You need to get to know him better to be sure you're really a match as friends, let alone partners. Then see where it goes from there. And even if he declines your invitation, you can feel good that at least you took that chance! :)

I hope this and one or more of the downloads below are helpful to you.

Best wishes,

Rebekah
Uncommon Care Team