Too anxious for sex

Hi Mark

I have heard hypnosis can help. I am an 18 year old guy and lost my virginity about a year ago to an older girl. It was a one night stand and although I did 'perform' I felt anxious and embarrassed. I guess I'm basically underneath quite shy. She seemed kind of grumpy and, to make a long story short, it wasn't what I expected sex to be. I didn't even enjoy it that much and it took me a long time to get hard if you know what I mean and I'm sure that was due to nerves. Anyway fast forward ten months and I meet a gorgeous girl. She's sweet, kind, beautiful, everything you'd want in a girlfriend (not at all like the other older girl). She really seemed to idolise me as I'm a Jock, good at sports with muscles but she also likes my humor. And. although I say it myself, I'm pretty popular. The trouble is we have tried to have sex a couple of times and I just couldn't perform. We tried for a long time and nothing! I AM attracted to her but I feel devastated and embarrassed (though she says it's fine and will happen in it's own time). Now if it even looks like we might have an opportunity to make love I get really nervous and make excuses or say I have to go. I have been googling 'erectile dysfunction condition' all evening but reading about it makes me feel worse. I hate thinking I'm impotent. I don't want to start taking viagra as I'm only 18.

Please, please help me I really need this girl in my love and feel that I love her but don't want to lose her just because of this. I'm scared she'll leave me for some guy who can get it up 24/7. Can hypnosis help with this?

This question was submitted by 'Anon'

Mark says...

Hi Anon USA,

You know first time sex can give a very wrong impression as to what sex can really be like. How good, spontaneous, intense and loving it can really be. You have taken a step closer to making that discovery and I'm sure it won't be long now.

Sex is often seen as a performance, like a sport or some other event in which we have to 'do well.' In matter of fact the conscious mind needs to 'get out of the way' so that unconscious responsiveness is allowed to do what it does. Unfortunately as you've found pressure to 'perform' can break the flow and natural responsiveness and stop it happening altogether. Most men experience this kind of performance anxiety especially in the early days so you don't need to feel you have a 'condition'.

Erections are supposed to be not stick around during times of stress (imagine having a hard on whilst fighting a bear!). What needs to change is your association of sex with the stress response. Once you feel more relaxed you feel more confident and what happens naturally is allowed to happening naturally. Hypnosis is the perfect way to change this subconscious association. The sessions we have can enable you to stop feeling pressured, feel relaxed and confident during sex and really get into 'the zone.' I suggest you use the 5 download 'Male Sexual Performance Pack' which includes the Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety download.

All the very best... and the best is yet to come,

Mark