How can I get over this depression since my second marriage ended?

Hi Mark,

I would appreciate your advice. My second marriage to a much younger partner ended suddenly and unexpectedly a year ago.

As a 59-year-old male dealing with the loss, rejection, and resulting emotional and financial fallout, I have slid into depression, in spite of my best efforts. I continue with counselling and recently resorted to antidepressants as a temporary (complementary) measure until I build my own emotional resources. Externally (social and workplace), I am (act) amiable, extroverted, and charming.

I have completed your free depression pathway link. My thinking brain 'gets' the reality and theory and knows the need to let go, move on, and develop deep resilience for an optimistic future. I am an academic; I find that’s a mixed blessing. My feeling brain stubbornly resists. I routinely play your hypnosis downloads to break the cycle. Results are short lived:

I realize my depression is situational. 'Unrequited Love' and 'Getting Over a Relationship' touched key issues for me. Alternatively, your depression program offers a workbook and structured program.

Furthermore, I am a lucid dreamer by nature. The combination of prolonged stress and antidepressants has significantly amplified this. Given my budget is limited, I want to avoid snake oil solutions. What can you advise?

Cheers,

Marty

This question was submitted by 'Marty'

Mark says...

Hi Marty,

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through and hope things can get a lot better soon. Reading between the lines (and this doesn't take an Einstein : ) ), from the downloads you've mentioned, it sounds like you've been still attached to your ex-partner and have all kinds of other worries, such as being alone in the future and maybe you've been using alcohol as a way of trying to cope with those feelings.

Something struck me in what you wrote. You said that your second marriage ended suddenly and unexpectedly. And I wonder (not to be too dramatic about it) whether there is any trauma associated with the memory of this. Does a particular memory of that time stand out and still feel particularly painful? Maybe it's very vivid or feels as though it happened yesterday?

People can feel traumatized not only by being in life-or-death situations. If you have PTSD elements to memories of the break-up, then a therapist well trained in treating trauma should help you heal those within one or, at the most, two sessions. Generally, once any traumatic feelings are dealt with, it's much easier to deal with all the other issues you mentioned.

If you feel this might be the case, then you could contact our support team to see if we know of any good practitioners near you who can effectively, comfortably, and quickly deal with trauma.

In the meantime, you need to meet all your primal human needs as best you can and hopefully your counsellor will be helping you do that.

All best wishes for a happier future,

Mark