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I was sexually abused, am with a man who treats me badly, and avoid my own emotions. Can you help?

Hi there,

I'm 45, female, and struggling to deal with emotions. I seem to have avoided everything to do with emotions my whole life and now that is affecting me badly. I'm on a rollercoaster, so confused.

I'm in a relationship that is making me feel mad, like I'm going mental. He's controlling, verbally abusive to me. No self-esteem, no confidence, I don't know who I am and never have. I lost my mum 20 years ago and never grieved at all. I also went through sexual abuse at 8 years old, I kinda understand a lot about that now.

I start to cry and the pain is so severe that I stop crying after several seconds, I feel angry for seconds, and it's a constant cycle every single day, never stops. I constantly feel twitchy, my insides jump, and it's nonstop. I feel like I've drunk lots of alcohol; I don't even drink.

How can I fix myself?

Thanks for listening,

Lillias

This question was submitted by 'Lillias'

mark tyrrell

Mark says...

Hi Lillias and thank you for writing in.

I guess it might sound glib, but always keeping a lid on your emotions, perhaps at one stage of your life (when you were sexually abused as a child) may have served a purpose, but now it doesn't really help you and may do the opposite. It feels threatening, even painful, to experience and express emotions now and perhaps that's because it doesn't yet feel 'safe' to emote.

I'm sorry to hear of what happened to you and losing your mum, but you can have a good life.

If you were emotionally numb all those years, then it makes sense that you got involved with a man who (sounds like) he is terrible for you. Just as people who are numbed physically and therefore don't feel pain may do things that are really bad for their body because the pain isn't there to signal to them not to do it. It probably goes without saying this man isn't for you. You need good people in your life. Good, decent people are like nutrition and you can be good for the people around you, too.

You, like everyone, have primal human needs. One way you can fix yourself is to take stock of just how your life currently meets your needs and then how you can better meet them.

It sounds like it will be good for you to relax with emotion without the fear of chronic 'emotional incontinence'. If you still feel traumatized by what happened to you when you were 8 (though any posttraumatic stress disorder [PTSD] may have gone naturally, anyway), then it would be good to seek help from someone who understands how PTSD works and is able to help you soothe and calm those memories. You could contact our office and we may be able to tell you if there is someone trained in the Rewind Technique near you.

You can also listen to 'Get in Touch with Your Emotions' to help enrich, balance, and normalize your emotional life.

I really hope you get what you need. The future can be a great place for you.

All my best,

Mark

watch icon Published by Mark Tyrrell - February 25th, 2014 in

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