We don't have sex as much and I feel so insecure
This may sound really stupid. I'm 30 years old and I have four daughters. I'm now in a relationship with another man who is six years younger than me!
At first, everything was perfect, even though I had no idea why he was with me and what he saw in me. We've been together only two months and it feels like he is getting bored with me.
We don't have sex very often anymore (it's been nearly a week). At first, it was every single day at least once without fail. Now, he doesn't hug me as much or tell me he loves me as much. I've just found out I am five weeks pregnant (after being told four years ago I can't have any more children).
I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but I don't want to push him away with my insecurities, as they are getting really bad. I have never been like this in the past, but my past two relationships were both violent ones (the first for 20 years and the second for two years). I really need your help to get over these!!
I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder; could this be part of it? I'm so confused.
This question was submitted by 'AnnaMarie'
Hello AnnaMarie and thank you for writing in.
I'm sorry to hear this. It is unusual for sex to decrease after only two months. The relationship is new. You are 30; he is six years younger than you, so only 24. Arithmetic has never been my strong suite, but you say here that you had one relationship for 20 years, so maybe you didn't mean to say you were only 30?
I wonder what he feels about being a father. Does he feel trapped after such a short time? He must have also thought you couldn't have more children. Has the change in his behaviour been since you discovered you are five weeks pregnant? Have you and he talked about the future? It would be strange if these things weren't playing on his mind. It's perhaps more likely than him just getting bored with you after two months.
Having been in violent relationships can dent self-esteem, so I can understand why you wondered why he would want to be with you. But he did and perhaps does and you should take that. Why shouldn't someone love and want you? You are a woman, not an object to be used or abused. Whatever happens, I want you to remember that.
The label 'Borderline Personality Disorder' can refer to all kinds of personality traits. It might be that you were just diagnosed with that not because of what you are really like, but because of the way you have naturally reacted to hard circumstances. The important thing is that you look after yourself and your daughters and decide what you want to do.
Talk to him, ask him how he feels about the future, but never put yourself down.
All my best,