Downloads Unwrapped December 2012
Unloved as a child - getting beyond the beginnings
Someone I know was constantly told by her mother that she was the 'most hated girl in the street'. She was also told that she 'wasn't wanted'. Sadly, these were not empty words. People who were loved as children find it pretty inconceivable that some people really weren't: "Oh, your parents/parent must have loved you really - in their own way!" But some adults walking around today genuinely were not - or certainly never felt - loved as children.
However, human beings are very resilient and potentially highly adaptive. When we don't get what we need from one place we can find it in another. Many people had grey, bleak, isolated and largely loveless childhoods but still go on to have a colorful, exciting, fulfilling or contentment-filled adulthood. They might find love, the kind they never knew as kids. But problems can arise when a child goes from feeling unloved by specific people (e.g. parents) to the conscious or even unconscious conclusion: "I am unlovable".
The negative conditioning of not being loved can cause some adults to feel as if they can't trust others to love them and/or that they are just not lovable. But being unloved by someone who doesn't know how to love is really about them, not you. And to be loving when you yourself were shown very little love is the greatest of dignities; a kind of sublime generosity of spirit. This is easier said than done, though. The new Unloved as a child is now on hypnosisdownloads.com and was created to help adults move beyond what they didn't get to what they can, in the future, receive and give.
Fear of money: when gaining wealth freaks you out
Odd as it may seem to some, many people really do have a problem with acquiring money. I had a client some years ago called Dave. Dave was a wonderfully bright, organized and creative chap, but he had a real hang up. "I know it sounds stupid," he told me, "but I have this deep feeling that I can't earn more than my dad did when he was alive, and he earned very little! Dave didn't get on at all with his dad, who sounded like he'd bullied the whole family till the day of his death. Nonetheless, Dave felt it was somehow 'disrespectful' to earn more than his father had. This was a problem, as Dave now had a family of his own to support.
Some people feel uneasy when they find themselves with more resources, without really knowing why. It might be the increased responsibility it brings, or even a fear of losing it - "OK, I have it now, but what if I lose it?" More money brings more responsibility, because money is a kind of power. That can scare people. But fear of money, if not dealt with, can really sabotage your life goals. Some people might feel that 'being successful' is a threatening identity shift too far. One woman I knew felt bad about being paid so much because it 'felt weird' to finally have money when she'd always thought of herself as a loser. All this might seem bizarre, especially if you struggle financially, but it can be a very real problem. Another fear underlying this ambivalence about having money might be the worry that being wealthier won't stop you from feeling bad, or won't mean that your problems are solved. It can feel safer to keep 'wealth' as a pie-in-the-sky dream to comfort yourself with, rather than grapple with the reality of having more, and having to decide how to live now.
People also have difficulty putting their own wealth in perspective. However much money you earn, it is only a very tiny part of the greater mass of money flowing like solar winds around our world. You could have a billion pounds and it would still be relatively nothing in the greater scheme of things. To know this is one thing, but to really feel it is another.
Whatever the cause of fear of money the new download will help people feel more comfortable with attaining wealth.
Loss of status: how to deal with dropping down the pecking order
'Only that which cannot be lost in a shipwreck is truly yours.' Al-Ghazali, Sufi mystic (1058 - 1111)
Losing a job, having children, moving to a different neighbourhood, retiring from work, getting ill, and many other role changing events in life can lead to a feeling that our status has changed. And not in a good way. Men and women may (not necessarily will) derive their sense of status in somewhat different ways, but however you find it, status - social, professional, sporting or even in the beauty stakes - is important to most people. Although, of course, we all like to claim that it isn't. Or at least shouldn't be.
It's embedded in how we speak, isn't it? We talk quite naturally of being 'one up' or 'feeling down'. Things are 'looking up' or going 'downhill'. It's as if we all live on some great big tree of life in which sometimes you venture to higher branches, with the best views, the best fruit and more people looking up at you, and sometimes you descend, perhaps through no choice of your own, to the lower limbs. When you respect someone you might look 'up' to them even as you look 'down' on others.
Did you know that the hormonal balance in our bodies changes when we feel we have a higher status and changes again when we feel we have a lower status? Status is so important it can even affect how long and healthily we live, even when lifestyle and quality of health care are factored in. A massive study of 5486 UK civil servants found that 'subjective status' was a major predictor of health and longevity. This study certainly seems to support the 'hierarchy-health hypothesis' in which health status is correlated with subjective social status. (1)
Of course, the need for a sense of status doesn't necessarily mean a need to be seen as amazingly elevated in human society. Just having a recognized and respected role, be it appreciated grandparent or Boy Scout, can help meet the need for status. But what if you lose the status you once had? The danger is that life starts to feel less meaningful and you start to feel less significant. Feeling that everything is meaningless and feeling 'low' are also features of depression, and there may be a risk of developing depression if one isn't prepared for loss of status when it happens. The new Loss of status download has been designed to help people maintain and even develop a sense of natural inherent status, 'natural authority' and dignity as a human being, regardless of what titles they may or may not have. Who you are and can be is as important as what you happen to do. This, if you like, is the 'true status' of being a resilient human being. It will also help with any grieving process which needs to be got through after experiencing loss of status.
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Published by roger.elliott December 27th, 2012
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