Archive for May, 2010

Downloads Unwrapped May 2010

I used to write this section in our monthly Inspired Minds newsletter, but we figured it would be easier to read online, and all our blog subscribers would enjoy reading it too. At least I hope you do Read May’s Inspired Minds newsletter here.

Downloads Unwrapped - May 2010

Stop chewing gum – there are easier ways to feel calm! Years ago a man emailed to ask me why he felt more confident in situations that would normally cause him anxiety when… he chewed gum. Interesting question (and quite random), but the answer is simple. When we become anxious the body ‘switches off’ anything not essential to immediate survival. If you fear you are about to be eaten by a bear, then you don’t need to be eating. The need to eat (and digest) is cast aside during emergency in favor of the need to get out of there fast. Blood leaves the gut to fuel the muscles for action. The mouth becomes dry as the salivary glands take a back seat. But if we make ourselves salivate ‘artificially’ by chewing gum (or even just swirling the tongue around in the mouth) we start to feel calmer. Why? Because the feedback that an increase in the flow of saliva in your mouth gives to the rest of your body is that: “Hey! This can’t really be a threatening situation, or I wouldn’t have saliva in my mouth, would I?” So pretty rapidly your blood pressure, breathing, sweat response and so forth returns to normal. And that’s why I reckoned this guy felt more confident when he chewed gum. On the other hand, chronic chewing:

• can mess with your digestion because your gut keeps expecting food to arrive and so produces digestive juices that aren’t needed
• makes you look like a slob – would you be happy to employ/date someone who never stopped chewing?

There are better ways to calm down, but for those addicted to chewing gum we have Stop chewing gum which partly focuses on feeling more confident without the need for the sticky stuff. It’s not all about you! Letting go of self obsession is good for you ‘Self obsession’ – now there’s a judgemental sounding phrase! But sometimes what seems judgemental is merely descriptive. The ‘self-help hell trap’ is that in the pursuit of personal fulfilment people have been encouraged (by some) to focus solely on themselves, and to analyse every thought and feeling to the nth degree. This renders them a) insufferable to others, and b) more vulnerable to emotional problems. Of course, when we are in pain, whether physical and/or emotional, we are naturally inclined to focus on ourselves exclusively. If I stub my toe, I will certainly be totally focussed on my own feelings for a while! But research (1) shows that being overly ‘self referential’ is extremely unhealthy both mentally and physically. The Stop self obsession session aims to encourage you to meet your basic emotional and physical needs so that you can focus outwards and feel truly fulfilled. It’s not all about you – but you still shouldn’t be taken for granted Balance is important. While it’s certainly not healthy to be too focussed on your own wants and needs at the expense of a wider reality, sometimes other people do take liberties with your time and goodwill – and that’s not healthy either. The Don’t be taken for granted session is for those who feel that they are continually taken for granted, that people always assume and expect without appreciation. This session works to empower people to not always have to say yes, and to feel more comfortable with asking for a bit of respect sometimes from the people in their lives. Note (1) Mark Schaller of the University of British Columbia studied the lyrics of Kurt Cobain, the lyrics of Cole Porter and the short stories of John Cheever, to analyse their use of personal pronouns (I, me, myself, mine, etc) before and after they were famous. He surmised that narcissists used more personal pronouns, and that fame makes people more narcissistic. The study found a correlation between use of self referential statements both before and after fame and later mental health problems and suicide. See: ‘The psychological consequences of fame: three tests of the self consciousness hypothesis’, Journal of Personality, 65,2,291-309; 1997