Should my son break up with his manipulative girlfriend?

My son has jealousy issues. His girlfriend is in school, but her class does require a mentor. They go out for dinner and lunches but never ask my son to go. I think she is just using him because he treats her like gold and then when he doesn't pay attention to her, she breaks up with him. Should he let her go or keep trying? He is devastated every time she breaks up with him, but I think he is begging her to come back.

This question was submitted by 'Linda'

Mark says...

Hello Linda and thank you for your question.

It's hard for me to say what your son should or shouldn't do. My gut instinct from the few words you have given me is that she is using and manipulating him, but has little or no respect for him. No one should ever feel that someone is doing them a massive favour just by being with them.

I think it's time your son broke up with her if the situation is as you have made it sound. He needs to do this before she reaches the point of getting so bored of 'playing' with him that she ends it with him permanently or just keeps him hanging on like some old toy to use when she's bored.

If he needs help with self esteem, he might find my 'How to Boost Self Esteem' article useful.

Being in such a 'relationship' is bad for self esteem, but having low self esteem also makes it more likely people will put up with bad treatment in a relationship. If he can get strong enough in himself, then being so badly treated will no longer feel right to him and it will feel more natural to gain his independence from this girl. Allowing her to maltreat him doesn't help her learn to respect other people.

Having said all that, it might be that he needs more time to stop seeing her through 'rose-tinted glasses'. But you might show him my reply. : )

Anyway, I hope it all works out for the best for him.

Thanks,

Mark